Portrait of John K Grubb

Texas Divorce and Prenuptial Agreement

4550 Post Oak Place, Suite 201 • Houston, Texas 77027-3139

Phone: 713-877-8800 • Fax: 713-877-1229

Dating After Divorce Survival Tips

Dating after divorce doesn’t come without tribulations. Surviving divorce, raising a child, practicing law for over 30 years, and enjoying the economic fruits from some of my Houston clients’ propensity for multiple divorces (need I say we attorneys love repeat divorces) allows me to make some observations over the years. In light of this vast experience, I offer a few bits of advice for dating after divorce.

  1. Please note the title, “Dating After Divorce”. After means after and not before divorcing. In most states you are not divorced until the judge signs the divorce decree. The fact that you are legally separated is not significant in most states. As a Houston divorce attorney, I have shaken up many cases over the years where it is my client who is guilty of adultery. I let the case slide sideways for say, six months, just enough time for the other party to start some hot and heavy dating. I then hit all of their boyfriends or girlfriends with deposition subpoenas to quiz them about their adulterous relationship with my client’s spouse.
  2. Minimize dating if you have children. It is imperative for children to feel they are the most important thing in your life during and after a divorce. It is hard to get this message across to your children when you are dealing with new relationships.
  3. Follow Grubb’s 3 Month Rule if you have children. Do not even consider introducing a new date/lover to your children until you have been dating that person for at least 3 months. About 75% of the time, when you are 2 months and 3 weeks into the relationship, you discover that your objet d’affection is not worthy of meeting your children.
  4. Dating after divorce means no overnight trysts. Most courts issue injunctions against overnight lovers. Remember, you are trying to teach your children about the benefits of love, long term commitment, and attachment. It is difficult for children to get this message if you are always bringing a new paramour home. It is also hard to convince your daughters to keep their underwear on when you’re not doing the same in your home.
  5. Reflect on your role in sinking your marriage before you start dating after your divorce. Be honest with yourself about your weaknesses in your marriage. Then take some time to figure out the mistakes you made in selecting a mate. If you do not do these two things, I can almost guarantee that you will make the same mistakes twice.
  6. Do not tell your new date/lover all the things that were wrong with your ex.
  7. Remember, there is a difference between a bed pal and a lover. If your bed pal starts getting serious, get up, put your clothes back on, go home and enjoy time by yourself.
  8. Enjoy the moment with your date. Don’t spend time trying to size up your new date as a lifetime partner. First off, they will sense it. Second, most of the time it will scare them because you simply come across as desperate. Try to find something good in everyone you date and accept them for who they are – not what you so urgently need.
  9. Remember people do not change over time. As a matter of fact, their bad traits usually get worse over the months or years. If someone has bad traits, write them off or do not allow yourself to get too close to them.
  10. Do not cover up your own faults. We all have them. People who don’t recognize their own faults or try to hide them are destined to disappoint others.
  11. Remember that most people marry a dream and not reality. Keep yourself, and the other person, firmly grounded in the real world.

If you follow these advise tidbits for dating after divorce, hopefully I will never see you for another split-up. Disregard them, and all I have to say is that I do love repeat Houston business.

No Comment

Comments are closed.