Portrait of John K Grubb

Texas Divorce and Prenuptial Agreement

4550 Post Oak Place, Suite 201 • Houston, Texas 77027-3139

Phone: 713-877-8800 • Fax: 713-877-1229

3 Reasons Why Divorcing Couples Shouldn’t Blame Each Other

Trying to find fault for a broken relationship is human nature. Of course I’m not to blame. I didn’t want a divorce.

    – He broke up our marriage because he cheated continually.
    – She refused to lose weight, and I find her unattractive.
    – He’s working all the time and I’m lonely. We never do anything as a couple anymore.
    – She just keeps spending, we’re in debt, and I can’t handle it.

Very few people are willing to accept their part in causing a marriage to break up. She might have shed those pounds with a little encouragement. He might have found time to be home more if she had arranged something interesting to do. She might not have spent so much if she knew the household finances. He might not have stepped out the second time if she understood why in the first place.

It’s much easier, not to mention extremely more comfortable, for people to blame their partner for the divorce. Playing victim allows you to avoid your fault in helping make a less than perfect home life worse. It allows you to be the good guy and your partner the bad guy and avoid your feeling of failure. And finally, you have the answer to the difficult question why.

Blaming your partner allows you to escape your guilty feelings. If your partner is the wrong-doer, maybe you will gain sympathy and support from family and friends. Perhaps you hope that the family court will be more compassionate towards you in the final divorce settlement.

Finding fault might provide you a little solace, but it is counterproductive to your divorce. Firstly, Texas is a no-fault divorce state. A Houston Family Court won’t care who caused your break-up, so whether one partner cheated, is lonely, is overweight, or spends excessively has little weight. The court looks at what is “just and right” in the division of community property, and won’t give one party an edge over another in the division of marital assets on the basis of who caused the break-up.

Secondly, trying to place blame will affect your children. Almost all children feel like they were the ones that caused mommy to leave or daddy to move out. You might think that you are hiding it from the kids, but children are very perceptive. They are very tuned in to their parents. They add your effort to place all the blame on your partner on top of their own feelings of being the cause for your breakup. When you focus all your energies on blaming your partner, you don’t have much left over to give your children. Your children need reassurance and reinforcement that they are loved by both parents and are not the cause of your divorce.

Thirdly, placing blame doesn’t let you move on with your life. Again, your energies are focused on your partner instead of yourself. At this time, you should be focusing on planning and building your new life and a new relationship with your partner. Divorce is inevitably about change, and how can you face the challenges and opportunities change will bring if you are pre-occupied?

Thinking about all the good times you had with your spouse and focusing on your future will allow you to get out of the blame trap. After all, nothing in life remains the same. Isn’t less stressful to consider all the opportunities the new phase in your life will bring you and your children?

John K. Grubb & Associates, P.C.
Houston Divorce Attorneys

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